When Your Body Says No But Your Ego Says Yes
Why I’m choosing myself over attachment and fear.
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That’s it! I’m OVER myself! I’m done not listening!
Have you ever had a DEEP KNOWING that you needed to do something, but you didn’t want to, so you ignored it… and then it came back later and bit you in the ass?
Yeah… Me too 🙋♀️⬇️
(FYI - this is going to be more than 500 words 😂)
My soul has been screaming some things at me for YEARS now and I’ve actively chosen to ignore it. It’s gotten louder and louder and louder, and I CAN’T anymore! I’m ready to listen and take action.
Non-attachment is such a simple concept and yet SO fucking hard to implement.
As a yoga teacher and lifestyle coach, I’ve taught this a million times. Most of the time, I feel like I embody it quite fucking well. But, just when you thought you were free from it, it slaps you humbly in the face.
A yama (ethical guideline) in yogic philosophy known as aparigraha, non-attachment is all about moving with effort and dedication WITHOUT obsessing over the result. This frees you from desire, fear, and your own ego.
A quick and easy example is in relationships. We find this person that makes us feel awesome. We put time, effort, energy, and dedication into them. If attached, we often find ourselves worried about losing them. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and a poor quality of life, all of which can strain the relationship. What if you DO lose this person? YOU are now lost too, and pain and suffering enters your life for some unknown period of time.
Good news! Happiness is within, not with any person, place, or thing.
Non-attachment teaches acceptance of impermanence. You’ll often hear me say, “The only constant in life is change.”
By embracing non-attachment, we are empowered, confident, and happy no matter what life is handing us.
I know just how quickly life can change. I have been very attached to things in the past and it has caused me a lot of pain in my life when these things inevitably didn’t exist anymore.
Despite the work I’ve done to release attachments, I still seem to find more of them buried deep inside of me that must be released.
The voice comes from within. My intuition. My gut. My soul. Whatever you want to call it. It’s talking. Faint at first, but the longer I ignore it, the louder it gets. Gnawing at me.
One thing I’ve noticed with attachments is that they seem to be rooted in fear. Or at least they very frequently are for me.
For years now, my inner voice has been suggesting to me a few lifestyle changes. One being that CrossFit (or high intensity training in general) isn’t the best option for me right now, and another regarding tracking my food.
I hate those suggestions SO much though, so I’ve resisted the changes.
I KNOW I need to let go. I hear you, Body. I do, I promise.
Why is this so hard for me? Why do I have SO much resistance surrounding these changes? Why am I so damn attached to these behaviors?
I’m finally seeing it…
Fear… for a couple of reasons.
First, after losing my ability to stand or walk, I vowed to never take my body for granted. I am grateful for movement and I will use my body to its fullest potential. I fear losing my strength again.
But, this is my ego talking. There was a time and a place this once served me. I needed to prove to myself how strong I was, and I needed that strength to protect me while I healed.
However, is this insatiable drive for max strength still serving me today?
Tracking my food is my norm. Like, I think it's crazy that people don't use a scale to weigh all their food. It literally blows my mind. It scares the hell out of me to not use a scale because what if I eat too much? What if I don't eat enough? How will this affect my body and performance?
Too scared to lose strength and no desire to gain weight, I've resisted this change because ultimately, I don't trust myself without it.
REMINDER: We are nature. We intuitively know how to feed ourselves. Tuning in to my body, I trust myself.
Finally, my friends! 😭
I love the community so much. It saved my life multiple times. I was falling into a dark hole of alcoholism when I decided to join my first box. I fear being lonely and what will happen to me without the support of that community.
When we’re attached to something, the mind does a funny thing. When we think of losing these things, our mind always thinks of the worst case scenarios. That’s just how the brain is designed.
But 🤔 what if we choose to think about all that could go RIGHT instead?
If I listen to my gut and take a break from CrossFit, I could become even healthier and stronger. I could meet more cool people and ADD to my community.
Trusting myself to eat in alignment with my body could heal my relationship with food.
My CrossFit community isn’t going to shun me for taking a break 😂 That’s just silly!
The GREATEST things could happen if I do face these fears, listen, and let go.
And, if all the worse case scenarios DO play out, guess what? I can revert back. It’s as easy as that.
So, really, what’s the harm?
When I determine that fear is part of my resistance, bitch, get out the way! It’s going down. 👋
I will not tolerate fear in my life. Life is WAY too short for that shit.
What does my body want? It has a flaming hot desire for YOGA – my home, my base, my foundation. 🥰
I bow to myself and surrender. For the month of January, I will be focusing on yoga and eating intuitively (no scale!).
I will give my body time to chill. Something it’s been asking for pretty much since I got out of the hospital 4 years ago. My ego was just too big to listen.
Now, with all that said, I will still walk 3-5 miles a day at work on my walking pad. I will still do 20 air squats every time I go to the bathroom. And, I may even swing by the gym to say “Hi!” Ain't no shame in my game.
I’m not tossing strength training out the window completely. I DO believe in it for longevity purposes. I will be taking time this month to decide what that looks like for me now.
I accept that in changing some major lifestyle habits that my body will probably change too. I have no clue what those changes will be. I release my attachment to any outcome. I'm simply listening, trusting, and letting go. That's it.
I challenge you. When you feel resistance, especially to a gut instinct, ask yourself, “Why?” That resistance could be blocking you from your best life. Face the fear and take action.
Stand tall,
Tracey