Be the Player: How Discipline Builds Self-Trust and Changes Your Life
From free-falling through life to actively creating the future you want.
In my honest opinion, trust is the basis of all successful relationships. Well, trust and communication, but today my focus will be on trust.
Without trust, what do you have? Anxiety? Insecurity? Distance? Maybe all of the above...
Trust can be a challenging beast. It sure has been for me.
Our innate ability to trust people can be tainted by past experiences in our life. Say you date someone and they cheat on you. In your next relationship, though they haven't given you a reason not to, you may find it hard to trust them simply out of fear of getting hurt again. This is a protective behavior that does NOT result in a healthy relationship.
When you feel you've lost trust in others, how do you regain it so that you CAN have healthy relationships again?
Because, let's be honest, no one WANTS to be alone. Alone sometimes just FEELS like the safest place to be. (Guilty 🙋♀️)
Chances are what was truly lost was trust in yourself, not others. Maybe you subconsciously hold yourself accountable for their behavior — YOU should have seen it coming, or YOU missed all the red flags. Maybe you're even embarrassed, and you're probably definitely hurt. You may feel slighted or dumb. Your self-talk may turn negative, feeling like THEIR behavior was YOUR fault in some kind of way.
None of this feels good, and are all things I've done, said , and felt myself.
But, in reality, their actions weren't your fault. It's their issues. You have no control over them. You trusted, as humans do, and their actions betrayed your trust in THEM — that ONE measly person in this ONE particularly shitty situation. It doesn't have to follow you into other relationships.
How do you shake this inability to trust? By learning to trust YOURSELF again.
If you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself, how do you expect to have one with others?
How you treat yourselves sets the standard for others to meet (or exceed). Have high fucking standards for yourself!
When you have an abundance of self-trust, you know with 100% certainty that you will be okay no matter what happens in life. This gives you the confidence to move forward despite life's lifing. With trust and confidence onboard, setting and keeping boundaries is easy-peasy, and heathy boundaries help protect your peace, happiness, and freedom.
What can you do to start developing self-trust?
Discipline.
Eww, discipline, I know... No one seems to like this word, but it will change your life, so stop resisting it!
The type of discipline I'm talking about isn't what your mind is thinking. It's not this rigid, authoritative, forced-upon-you, strict rules and harsh consequences kind of discipline. I'm talking about self-discipline. You choose the focus. You hold yourself accountable, and only you determine your "consequences." (And, FYI, I don't recommend any!)
I'm not going to lie. Discipline is hard because it requires:
Conscious choice
Commitment to yourself
Mindful effort
Discipline is about doing what’s right, not about doing simply what you want.
However, the opposite — ignorance, disorder, neglect, chaos, or what I call "free falling" (living without direction or intention) — is equally as (if not more) difficult, but in a different way.
Discipline provides direction, a framework, or a blueprint for your life. It's hard in the moment, but the result is PURE, UNTETHERED BLISS!
Having no direction or making decisions willy-nilly in the moment based on how you feel right then, often leads you down a path of chaos, instability, dis-ease, and illness. It's easy in the moment, but compounds challenges as time passes. You will pay a price for it, and you won't know when it comes to collect its dues.
Let's look at this with a common example:
Scenario: It's a Saturday, and you're happily chilling on the couch watching a show you're REALLY into. The time is ticking away, and you KNOW you need to get up and move your body, but NO part of you WANTS to move. Right now, you would much rather prefer to continue chilling, watching your show.
Discipline: BUUUUT you've made a promise to yourself to move your body every day. You want to keep this promise because it is what is best for you now and in the future. You begrudgingly get off the couch and go move. The sooner you get it done, the sooner it's over. The result is a boost in all the happy hormones, you feel better than before, and glad you followed through.
Free Falling: You don't get off the couch because you don't feel like it. This becomes a repeated pattern, and a sedentary lifestyle takes over. As a result, you gain weight, you get sick, you ache or hurt, life is hard, and will only get harder.
Here’s another way to look at it:
Active and Passive
Discipline is an active approach to life, and "free falling" is a passive approach.
Taking it a step further, you could say discipline is PROactive because you're taking initiative in your life. You're writing your life story.
Whereas "free falling" is reactive. You’re waiting for things to happen around you, and your reaction is based in the moment. You have no governance over your life. You feel more like a victim of life instead of a player.
If you have goals and aspirations, you'll need discipline. If you want easy (now, hard later), be passive. Your choice. Two vastly different outcomes.
My choice for you? Be a PLAYER, not a victim.
This is a mindset. You can set that RIGHT NOW.
Say it and FEEL it in your heart and soul, "I AM the #1 player in my life."
Repeat it out loud to yourself 3 times.
If you’re ready to be the starting player in your life, then it's time to accept and commit to the practice of discipline. Sounds daunting, I know. Like everything else, START SMALL!
Commit to making your bed each morning.
Commit to taking 5 slow, deep breaths before going to sleep.
Commit to drinking 16 oz of water first thing in the morning.
Choose something that you can easily accomplish that doesn't really take too much time or energy, because believe me, you will still encounter moments you don't WANT to do it. DO IT ANYWAYS!
Discipline (or promises made to yourself) will carry you through when motivation fails.
Once you get into the flow of following through, you start building confidence and trust in yourself. Here is actual proof that you CAN make promises AND follow through. That's HUGE!! You're awesome!
Now, let's build your dreams. What do you want out of life? What are your goals? Dialing in here will shape your new priorities. Priorities that will require that discipline you just developed.
THIS is how you 'manifest.' You visualize it and take small actions every day towards making it happen, and it all begins with discipline.
Find others living a similar life. Study them and the things they do daily. Use them as a role model. Try what they do but know that everyone is unique. Adjust as you go along to what works for you.
On this journey, understand that there will be times that you are unable to accomplish certain tasks. Know that this is A-okay! What matters most is your response to it.
This is an opportunity to practice self-love and compassion. Don't engage in negative self-talk. Give yourself grace, love, and comfort. You HAVE to be able to do this for yourself before you can do this for others.
Bringing this full circle, by embracing discipline in your life, you build self-trust, develop self-love, and in turn gain an abundance of self-confidence. You're now able to give trust and love to others without fear. You're living your dream life and fully capable of developing deep, healthy relationships.
In short, when you don't know what to do, but you want change in your life, simply place your focus on YOURSELF. It will improve every other area of your life.
Self-Discipline = Self-Love + Self-Trust = Self-Confidence
As always, I'm open to chat with you more about all this. Feel free to reach out!
Stand tall,
Tracey